iloveayash

i changed my website design. ofc inspired by ayash's site btw

it doesn't mean I want to copy him or I want to just clone or something like that. i always wanted to document myself or to write, to journal. i love the thing, but I never started because of some things in my head that always linger around. I can't start a diary. ayash gave me a pocket diary kind of thing, and it says, "stay curious" on top.

stay curious gng

he gave me before mumbai, before we were going to mumbai. and today is 11th november, and it still doesn't have any pen ink. Nothing. there is not a single stroke of pen in that notebook. I have five diaries. Haven't started any of those. I have a fear of mess. What if I just ruin the beauty of that... Notebook or maybe the diary or the journal. But I really wanted to start something. And that's why I always choose, prefer, online or digital media over offline. That's why I started.

btw, love you, ayash, for that notebook. Surely. I don't know. But, yup, i will use it... idk how, but yeah.

Back to the site. I really don't know what i'll do. i built the cms last night and it's just take markdown. There you go. I don't know. "I'm a very messy person" - ayash . me too gng. but that thing is blocking me to do stuff. I wanted my website to look different.

I stopped. I started as a very creative person. I used to draw. I used to sing. I used to write songs. I used to write poems. I used to film and edit movies... I don't know what happened.

everywhere I saw people doing new stuff and all they were very professional. I never wanted my website to be a generic ahhh design website or generic ahhhh portfolio. I never wanted. I always thought it should feel like my home.

But I never tried. I tried for it first, and then I gave up. I thought I would be like childish? It makes me feel stupid to others.

so I cloned a predesigned prompt and pasted it on claude and It built a generic (but not-so-looking-generic) website for me. But idk today I feel like it's my domain. It's my address. It should feel like my home .. my safe space. It should sound like home. It should sound like me, the actual me.

and ofc, I was reading ayash's blog... he wrote. I just read, and that made me feel that I should start now because his point of having a blog section and a website is same as me. why shouldn't I cry on some good memory after 10yrs? why shouldn't I miss some memories today after 10 years? ofc, I should. That's why I started.

btw i recently got into collecting f1 cards. idk.. ty ayash gng

I don't know. Maybe I'm okay. I don't know. maybe how much I'm poetic rn. idk ahhh. if Ayash was not there, I haven't made it this far. i always tried. today I did.

I did change my website. I'm currently writing for myself. Idk.

I just love what happened to me, and somehow, ayash single-handedly did to me. that is crazy. I really want to be poetic. I really want to do silly things, do whatever I like, whatever I do.

I'm really grateful to have ayash in my life. that's a game changer for me, because there's something I couldn't have if someone doesn't give me enough fuel to start all of this.

literally, it's okay. It's okay to be emotional.
It's okay to listen to your favorite songs 500 times a day.
It's okay to say no to someone close to you.
It's okay not to be okay.
It's okay to larp.
It's okay to not have friends.
It's okay to cry.
It's okay to share your story.
It's okay to be silly.
It's okay to be wrong.
It's okay to be happy.
It's okay to do your own thing.
It's okay. don't care about people.

whatever ayash did to me, I just love it. I know. maybe. Idk. I love

i was thinking to add some more features and all. I don't know. let me see some stuff.

I will add. For now, I guess, bye. dancing in the dark... all love <3